Ripping Off The Bandage

Every Friday Brene Brown has been posting TGIFs on her blog site:

--Who/what are you trusting today?

--Who/what are you grateful for today?

--Who/what is inspiring you today?

I wanted to share mine with you, even though they’re out of order (and that’s OK).

I choose to trust…well, my inner radar is so wonked I don’t know what to trust today.

I’m grateful that PNN and Brene have made space for us to explore our relationship with perfectionism.

I’m inspired by the wisdom and bravery of my fellow travelers. I’m also inspired by Barack Obama’s Nobel Prize acceptance speech.

I’m grateful that my words and tears have been flowing in equal measure in the Authenticity workshop. Things that I’ve been wanting to say are out there (gulp) and in doing so, some of the poison has been leached from my body. It surprises me at times how much I’ve been holding in, and how much, when prompted, has easily flowed…no, flooded out.

But these words and memories bring me back to places of pain and hurt and shame. To that wounded little girl sneaking dish after dish of ice cream and pie and cookies into her room. To that damaged young woman letting a man emotionally abuse her, again and again. To that older but still young-ish woman feeling stuck in a dead-end job and working herself until she broke. Brenda Ueland’s wisdom that writing fiction lets you “taste life twice” has a bitter edge.

Perhaps I will use this material in my novels; perhaps not. But as every character that surfaces contains a bit of my DNA, the likelihood is probable. Even so, I’m grateful for knowing that this “setting free the bears,” so to speak, will help me dip down and draw from that deep well with less fear of what that bucket will contain.

Right now I’m willing to bet that it’s a bucket of tears.